


I (k)need you now

by TheArtificialDane



Series: The Brightest Timeline [36]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-10-25 04:31:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20718146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArtificialDane/pseuds/TheArtificialDane
Summary: Vanjie had done a death drop, throwing her tiny body around with her usual fearlessness.She had hit the floor and Brooke could see in her face that something had gone very very wrong.***A Christmas that takes a turn, and becomes like no other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in 2020 after All Stars and before Miss Gay America in 2021.

It happened in the winter of 2020, at Mickey’s on a friday night.

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.”

“Ssssh, sssssh.” Brooke tried to soothe, tried to keep his brain calm. He had been in the audience, had watched Vanjie do her usual routine, had tipped her and loved her along with the audience, but then, at the finale part of her performance, she had done a death drop, throwing her tiny body around with her usual fearlessness. 

She had hit the floor and Brooke could see in her face that something had gone very very wrong.

“Don’t you tell me to fucking sush!”

Vanjie was crying, a steady stream of tears running down her face, her foundation ruined. She had walked off stage, hobbled really, by herself, the audience not seeing anything, Morgan the ever professional host covering it up and making a joke as Brooke had jumped on stage, following right behind Vanjie.

“You have to sit still.”

“Fuck you!” Vanjie’s words betrayed her, but her fingers were buried in Brooke’s jacket. Her left leg was fine, but Brooke had known right from the moment he had seen her put her first knee brace on, that they were only playing the waiting game with the right.

Everyone backstage had flocked around them, queens and assistant alike looking at Vanjie with worry in their faces. They had ever seen her cry before, but it was impossible not to love Vanjie even more in her moment of vulnerability, her words just as crass, but her voice was tinged with fright. 

“You need to calm down baby.”

Brooke had pushed Vanjie down into a chair in the busy backstage, had kneeled in front of her and taken her shoe off, her toes, foot and ankle thankfully all okay, even though it was hard to feel through the layers of pantyhose.

“Y’all alright?” Mariah Balenchiaga looked on, worry etched into her features and Brooke could feel the anxiety coming from her in waves. 

“Should we call medical?” Ongina sounded just as worried, like a couple of aunts flocking around their favorite niece. “Or an ambulance?”

“An ambulance won’t be necessary.” Brooke’s large hands ran over Vanjie’s leg, covering it with ease, up her shin, putting pressure on everything as he had been taught in school. It was one of the first things he had been taught as an actual dancer, damage control on injuries, making sure neither you nor anyone else in your company accidentally made something worse, just as important a part of ballet, if not more important, than being able to do a triple pirouette.

“It burns.”

“I know baby, I know.” Brooke spoke gently, so very thankful he was actually home in L.A on this very night. Vanjie had never been injured before, not really, and while Brooke had tried his fair share, the pure worry in his boyfriends voice told him that he had to take this extremely seriously. 

Brooke touched Vanjie’s knee, and Vanjie cried out in pure pain. 

“Ow!!” Vanjie hit Brooke, smacked him on the shoulder. “Don’t touch it!”

“I have to-”

“Stop!”

Brooke groaned, Vanjie’s little hand hitting his shoulder over and over again, but he wasn’t going to let something so important go unexamined just because Vanjie was acting like a child. 

“Brooke, what are yo-” Mariah was about to step in, but Brooke shushed her too, Vanjie actually calming down at the authority in his voice. He cupped Vanjie’s knee, the skin burning up. He grabbed his foot, moving it the smallest amount, but nothing happened in the knee. It was locked, and Brooke felt his stomach clench.

“Mariah?”

“Yes baby.”

“Could you help Jose get dedragged while I call for an Uber?”

///

The best part about being a well known Drag Queen in night life, was that Brooke could always get a cigarette. People had flocked around him, offering up lighters and several different brands before he had even asked properly. Brooke had sent three texts, the cigarette burning between his fingers. 

One to Silky that asked him to come over and check on the animals, one to Vanjie’s mom to tell her not to freak out and not get on a plane, no matter what her son said, and one to Steve, Brooke’s own anxiety finally spiking as he typed out a message to his best friend.

“I leave your ho ass alone for two seconds, and you smoking?” 

Brooke dropped the cigarette, stepping on it before he turned to look at Vanjie. He was supported by Morgan, the other queen looking like an actual glamorus angel by all the early christmas decorations that had been hung up outside the club.

“Just get in the car.”

///

“Have you had a migraine in the last 6 months?” Brooke looked down at Vanjie. His boyfriend was curled up in his lap, the other patrones of the UCLA emergency room looking at them with strange looks, but Brooke didn’t give a fuck, though he hoped that it had more to do with the fact that Mariah had forgotten Vanjie’s eye makeup, than it had to do with the fact that they were men.

“No.”

Brooke nodded. He was filling out Vanjie’s medical papers, and he couldn’t wait to gloat in Steve’s face how he hadn’t been an anxious mess when he had found and learned all of Vanjie’s medical details as well as his social security number.

“You have to stay awake baby.” 

“I know..” Vanjie was resting his head against Brooke’s shoulder, his eyes closed. “It hurts like a motherfucker.”

Brooke chuckled. “Maybe don’t say that to the doctor.”

“We in an emergency room in L.A Mami, ain’t nothing here but tired med students who wished they were anywhere but.” 

Brooke was so happy they had been to the hospital in sweden, that this was something they had tried together before, because he wasn’t sure he’d know how to handle how scared and small Vanjie sounded, if this was their first ride.

///

“Have you ever experienced any pain like this before?”

Vanjie shook his head. The doctor was moving his knee, the muscle no longer locked in, but Vanjie could still remember the sensation, could still feel the terror in his body.

“No..”

Brooke was sitting in the patient's chair by the door, watching it all, his hard gaze following the doctor’s every move, and Vanjie felt more comforted than frightened by it, Brooke’s attention to detail terrifying when it was turned to something, so Vanjie was sure everything would be done exactly right.

“Since the knee is no longer locked up, and this is a first offense.” The doctor smiled, and Vanjie was sure he tried to be charming. “We can send you home with a nice little cocktail of pain meds, and if it continues to bother yo-”

“No.” Brooke sat up in his chair, both doctor and Vanjie turning to look at him. “He should have an MRI scan.”

“And who are you?”

“His boyfriend.” Brooke met the doctor’s stare right on, “and a ballet dancer. So order the scan. Please.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Branjielove69:**

I got a text and a pic from my cousin who’s in the UCLA ER with her dad, and guess what? It’s Brooke and fucking Vanjie!! 

[Picture]

**BarbieHytes:**

I SPENT LIKE 5 MINUTES JUST LOSING IT OVER THE PICTURE BEFORE I COULD START TYPING. Why is Vanjie in Brooke’s lap???? What happened to baby????

**Anii-Chan:**

The fans on Twitter saw Vanjie perform tonight at Mickey’s, maybe something happened? I found a video on Instagram and Vanjie didn't do her second number.

**SoHytes:**

Lmao, you think she broke her leg?

**Anii-Chan:**

The picture is spreading like wildfire on Instagram.

**BarbieHytes:**

Noooooooo!! Don’t say shit like that!!! Will they be okay????

**SoHytes:**

We all losing it on here. Grab your clown shoes.

**Thankyoumissvanjie:**

Everyone needs to calm their titas.

///

Brooke woke up on Saturday morning to an inbox that had exploded, both his Twitter and Instagram flooded with questions from concerned fans. Brooke opened his tagged photos, a deep groan leaving him when he realised that someone had not only recognised them in the emergency room but had actually taken a picture of them. 

Brooke sighed deeply, opening up Postmates and shooting off a quick breakfast order for both he and Vanjie, before he adjusted his pillow slightly, Vanjie still asleep on his shoulder. 

///

_ “Hi everyone.” Brooke is lying in bed, chest bare, blue sheets and pillows beneath him, a strip of winter sun coming through the bedroom window. Brooke waits for the room to fill up, his eyes reading the chat, but he doesn’t say his usual hellos. _

_ “Before anyone freaks out. Jose is fine. He’s not in the hospital, and he’s not dying. He’s here with me, and everything is fine.”  _

_ Brooke turns the camera slightly. Vanjie is sleeping on Brooke’s shoulder, his mouth slightly open, glitter eyeshadow on his lids. Brooke gently closes Vanjie’s mouth, before he turns the camera back to his own face.  _

_ “As you can see, there’s no reason to message me or him, thinking that the world is going to end.” _

_ Brooke sighed, his blue eyes reading the comments. _

_ “Yes. Yes it is true that we were at the emergency roo-” Brooke cuts himself off, a laugh falling from his lips. Brooke looks into the camera, his eyes sparkling.  _

_ “I promise.” Brooke is smiling. “It’s not a sex thing.” Brooke laughs a little, still clearly amused by the comment. _

_ “I’m not going to speak on Jose’s behalf, so I can’t say anything else, but neither of us are dying, no one has cancer.” Brooke smiles a little and rolls his eyes. “Or AIDS, or anything else that you guys have messaged me about. We’re fine, and if Jose wants to keep you updated. He’ll keep you updated.” _

///

“Hey Mama.” Vanjie smiled as his mom picked up on Facetime. She was sitting at the breakfast nook in her house in Florida, her hair and makeup of course done even though it was still before noon on a saturday. 

“Hey my sweet baby.”

Vanjie felt a little disgusting in comparison to his mother's glamor, one of Brooke’s shirts and a pair of sweats the only thing he was wearing. Brooke had woken him up with a gentle nudge, his boyfriend practically pouring Vanjie into the shower with him without listening to Vanjie’s protests that his knee felt fine. They had eaten together, Brooke putting Vanjie on the couch before he had grabbed Riley for a morning walk, even the dog acting a little offended at being walked so early, Riley more than used to a drag queen schedule.

“How’re you feeling ?” Anabell smiled, though she watched her son with suspicion. It was so like she used to when Vanjie had come home from school whenever he had gotten in trouble, his teacher always calling ahead since his older brother was a master at forging their mothers signature, so Vanjie knew instantly that she had talked to Brooke.

“What’d he tell you?” 

“Have my children really gotten so old they know their mother?” Anabell smirked, before she sighed. “Brooke texted me not to fly out, no matter what you said.” Anabell touched her hair, a nervous habit of hers. “Are you okay little bean?”

“My knee fucked up last night.”

“Oh baby.” Anabell gasped. “Do I need to fly out?”

“No Mama.” Vanjie laughed a little, Brooke apparently exactly right in his prediction of his mother's behavior. “But, you know. It was real fucking scary.” Vanjie bit his lip. “I was dancing as you do, did a death drop, and ‘pop’ it went.”

Anabell covered her mouth. “What then?”

“It burned like a motherfu-” Vanjie caught himself. “It burned like the hellfire shit Tia Angela used to threaten me with if I knocked her good porcelain over..”

“Like fire? You’re telling me my baby was hurt and you didn’t call me? You were all alone!”

“Brock was there.” Vanjie smiled. “He was all cool. Real medical.” Vanjie chewed the inside of his cheek. He barely felt any pain now, and when he thought back, he was a little ashamed at how much he had freaked out, the fact that he had hit Brooke not fair at all, but his boyfriend had acted so cool that Vanjie had felt more than safe in acting out. 

“The doctor just wanted to send my ass home, since my knee went right back, but I be getting an MRI later today.”

“Why?” Anabell raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said you was fine? Jose Cancél you better not be lying to your mother.”

“Fuck if I know why.” Vanjie chuckled, his quick temper clearly not coming from strangers, “but Brock seemed real serious ‘bout it.”

///

“Wait. Wait wait wait wait!” Vanjie yelled, holding out his arms, grabbing the edges of the MRI machine. “Take me out! Take me out!”

Vanjie’s heart was hammering away in his chest, his palms sweaty, his ears ringing as the metal he was laying on rolled back out of the machine. He didn’t release his hands until he was once again looking at the grey ceiling of the small room he had been taken to.

“What’s the matter sweetie?”

Vanjie looked up, the nurse who had put him in the MRI and told him that he had to lay absolutely still opening the little door and walking into the room to stand by his side. Vanjie could feel his heartbeat slowly relax, but he still felt panicked.

“I can’t do this.” He had barely gotten inside of the machine before he had yelled for them to stop, the loud clicks and clocks and the small metal tube a whole lot scarier than it looked from the outside.

“Are you claustrophobic?”

“I ain’t scared of no ho named Claus! I’m freaking out cause this bitch is some Tomb Raider grave bul-” Vanjie looked up at the nurse, who was smiling, the woman clearly very amused at his outburst, and then his brain finally caught up with him, claustrophobia a word he actually knew.

“Fuck..” Vanjie felt himself blush, his heart finally calming down completely. “Sorry..”

“A lot of people feel scared,” The nurse put her hand on the edge of the bed, “but I promise you everything will be fine.”

“Can my boyfriend come in the room?” Vanjie hadn’t meant to ask, but she looked so nice, her dark brown eyes calming.

“Can he sit still?” The nurse smiled. “Or is he more like you? Because we do have to finish this test.”

“He ain’t nothing like me.” Vanjie smirked, overselling Brooke something he could do any day of the week and even in his sleep. “He so quiet sometimes I don’t even know if he home.”

“Fine.” The nurse pushed away. “Kevin, can you go get this mans boyfriend?” The nurse looked down at Vanjie. “Can you describe him?”

“He a tall ass canadian with blonde hair, blue eyes, a real sexy smile, a great ass-”

“I didn’t ask for a dating profile sweetie.” The nurse laughed. “Just describe him.”

“He in black sweats, a red hoodie and a dumb ass hat.”

///

Brooke hadn’t exactly expected to be called into the room, but he had come along, reading aloud from his book, Vanjie laying still even though he whimpered each time the machine made a noise. 

“You think your brother is going to enjoy his juicer?”

“I honestly don’t give a shit if my brother likes the juicer.”

“You better pack up that attitude before we hit Toronto.” 

“Unless my brother stops being a dickhead, I don’t think my attitude will change. Besides, we’re still in november.”

“Time for a Christmas miracle yet.” Vanjie smiled, and Brooke couldn’t help but roll his eyes fondly at his boyfriends neverending optimism and appreciation of family time. 

Vanjie had looked so miserable in the MRI scanner that Brooke had felt his heart clench and he had instantly offered to do whatever Vanjie wanted for the rest of the day as soon as they were released. 

What Vanjie wanted to do, however, had turned out to be Christmas shopping at the Grove, which was an activity Brooke honestly didn’t care for at all. They had gone through each one of Brooke’s family members, even his little nieces and nephews, Vanjie spending what felt like hours weighing different Nerf guns against each other. 

Brooke had tried to tell Vanjie that he normally did all of his christmas shopping at the airport, but that had been shut down with a dirty look, and a crass reminder that Brooke better not even consider entertaining the idea of getting Vanjie anything at the ‘fucking airport’.

They had taken a break, Vanjie drinking a cacao even though Brooke would argue to the end of his days that it was too hot under the California sun to truly enjoy a cup of the chocolate drink. 

“You want the rest?” Vanjie pushed a piece of cake towards Brooke.

“You’re the one who picked it?” Brooke smiled, a small part of him knowing from the very start that Vanjie wasn’t going to finish his half. 

Walking around the mall had gone fine, Vanjie barely even winching, but Brooke hadn’t been able to shake the worry.

Vanjie had had pain in his knee on and off since before Brooke had gotten to know him, the beige knee brace Vanjie prefered more often than not on during tours. Even though Vanjie hadn’t put the two together, Brooke couldn’t help but think that they were connected.

“Don’t mean I can’t be done.”

“You’re just trying to make me fat.” Brooke kissed Vanjie before he pulled the plate towards himself with his fork. 

“You right, I’m gunning for your wardrobe.” Vanjie smiled, when his phone rang.

“Hello? Yes sir. No, no I can listen.”

Brooke looked at Vanjie as he eat the chocolate cake, Vanjie attempting his very best white person voice, when his eyes suddenly widening.

“Wait, wait, hold on. Imma put you on speaker mama.”

Brooke moved in, hissing at Vanjie. “What did they say?”

Vanjie held his hand over the bottom of his phone. “They say I got a miniscular tear.” 

“A meniscus tear?” Brooke felt his stomach drop. 

“Sirs?” 

Both Brooke and Vanjie looked at the phone, the tiny voice calling out.

“Can you hear me?”

“Yes doctor. We can hear you loud and clear.” Brooke grabbed Vanjie’s hand, forcing the phone in between them.

“You’re very lucky that your partner insisted on the MRI scan Mr. Cancel. As I’ve already said, you have a meniscus tear, located on the inner part of the cartilage. It appears that you have had it for a while.”

“A while?” Vanjie touched his chest, clearly confused at what the doctor was saying. “But I don’t feel sick? It ain’t even hurting right now”

“Tears act up now and again. It is indeed lucky we caught it now without any deeper damage.” 

Vanjie leaned against Brooke, and Brooke quickly moved his arm, pulling Vanjie in.

“You seem to be working as a dancer?”

Vanjie looked up at Brooke, his confusion clear, and Brooke shrugged. He had put dancer down on Vanjie’s papers instead of Drag Queen, Brooke not in the mood to explain their jobs to anyone at the ER last night.

“Yes sir.” Vanjie replied, his bottom lip between his teeth.

“In that case, we recommend surgery, and as quickly as possible, before the injury gets any worse."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anything about the American hospital system, and I'm not a doctor, so please use your suspension of disbelief unless something is really really wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

Brooke had taken over the call the second surgery had been mentioned, wedging Vanjie’s phone between his ear and shoulder, Brooke cross referencing calendars and firing off emails at the speed of light, his pageant efficiency taking over while Vanjie had no idea what was going on, his world suddenly feeling like a swamp, fog taking over everything.

“Brock-“ Vanjie felt like he couldn’t breath, the idea of surgery terrifying. “Brock-“

“Give me a minute.” Brooke didn’t reach out, didn’t touch Vanjie, didn’t look at anything but his phone.

Brooke booked them an Uber, the juicer Vanjie had been so excited about moments before suddenly looking ridiculous under Brooke’s arm, Brooke carrying every single bag like Vanjie was an invalid. It felt like the doctors message had taken him out of his body, had taken his autonomy away from him, his body not hurting at all though it was apparently broken.

“Brock-“ Vanjie looked over at his boyfriend, dread heavy and hurting in his stomach. “What about danci-“

Vanjie wanted to hear his boyfriends opinion, needed to hear his expertise and knowledge on injuries, needed to be told that he’d bounce back, that’d he’d dance again, but instead, he was interrupted. 

“What’s your social security number again?” Brooke looked up from his phone, the wrinkle between his brows telling Vanjie that he was concentrating deeply.

“My social? Who gives a fuck ‘bout that. What about the dancing-”

“Everyone should know their social- Actually. No. Nevermind,” Brooke sighed. “I have it memorized.”

“Babe-“, but Brooke was already gone.

Brooke hadn’t said anything else on the ride home, his boyfriend completely swallowed by his phone, and as the miles passed by, Vanjie felt a familiar heat bloom in his chest, the grey sadness overtaken inch by inch by burning red. 

They stopped in front of their building, Vanjie finally thinking Brooke would pay him any attention, but Brooke’s foot hadn’t even touched the pavement before he was calling someone on his phone, talking to someone not him, and Vanjie slammed the car door shut, the loud sound finally catching Brooke’s attention.

“Jose?” Brooke looked shocked, surprise clear on his features. “Are you trying to get me banned from Uber? I have a near perfect fucking sco-“

“I’ll be at Silky’s.”

“Silky’s?” Brooke put a hand over the speaker part of his phone. “Okay, I obviously missed somethi-“ 

“Fuck you!!”

///

“Andrew?” Brooke leaned against the kitchen island, his phone pressed to his ear as he looked out the window.

_ “Brock! Hey man. It’s been forever.” _

“You know people at the Los Angeles ballet, right?”

_ “I used to date one of the directors. Why?” _

Brooke chuckled, Andrew one of his favorite friends from his time in Truckadore. “Do you still have his number?”

_ “Maybe, depends on why you want me to call my ex. It better not be Nutcracker tickets.” _

“I need a recommendation for a physical therapist.”

_ “Are you hurt?” _

“No,” Brooke smiled, “but my Nutcracker is, and I need him in full Prince gear by christmas.”

///

“Biiiitch.” Vanjie groaned as he dumped down on Silky’s couch.

His best friend was sitting in his underwear, a bowl full of Lucky Charms on his stomach. Vanjie had taken the steps to Silky’s apartment two at a time, evey jump a satisfying fuck you to Brooke, his knee not hurting at all, though he almost wished that it would since Brooke clearly didn’t give a single shit about anyhing but that.

“So you gonna explain why you come by using your emergency key to interrupt my cartoons?” Silky looked over Vanjie, a blue piece of fabric around his head.

“Maybe ‘cause I got an emergency?” Vanjie huffed, fire still brewing in his chest. "Brooke a dumbass bitch."

“So you refugeeing?” Silky eat a spoonful of cereal, offering up the leftovers to Vanjie who just wrinkled his nose. Vanjie loved Silky, but he couldn’t stand even half the snacks Silky loved. 

“Thank fuck we live close.” Silky smiled.

“Thank fuck indeed.”

It was a major point in Silky’s favor that he didn’t ask why Vanjie was mad, the two friends just watching cartoons together as Vanjie calmed down, the sadness in his chest slowly returning.

“Any updates on the knee?” Silky looked over at Vanjie, and Vanjie bit his lip. Brooke had been so sweet at the hospital, had actually cared, and them he had just turned cold.

“Doc says Imma need surgery.”

Vanjie had never had any time of surgery before. He had never broken a bone, actually, he had never even been admitted to the hospital, and Vanjie was scared shitless.

“Why you acting then? Surgery is the bomb.” Silky smiled. “You gonna get out, and it’ll be dick and sushi for days I tell you.”

Vanjie almost smiled, Silky’s argument one he could actually see. 

“Your mans is going to be all over the place, doin’ every single thing you ask for.”

It did sound like a dream to have time with Brooke at home, to have his boyfriend do whatever he wanted, and if you had asked Vanjie yesterday, he would have daydreamed about it, but now, all he could think was how very alone he’d be when Brooke went on his Christmas tour.

“He don’t give a shit about me.” Vanjie melted even further into the couch, his lips forming a pout. 

“He don’t give a shit? Bitch now we both know I ain’t first in line at the Brooke Lynn fanclub.”

Vanjie snickered. “Ain’t that the truth.” 

Silky liked to believe he and Brooke had a rivalry going on for Vanjie’s attention, and Vanjie hadn’t had the heart to tell Silky that Brooke didn’t even have to fight, the air getting sucked out of his lungs each time Brooke looked directly at him with that slightly bossy attitude. 

“- But that bullshit is some straight up fake news.”

“You weren’t even there.” Vanjie crossed his arms, Brooke’s rejection, his inability to see Vanjie’s needs still a freshly bleeding wound.

“I wasn’t, but I know you two crazy whores. Sides-“

Silky held up his phone, his messages opened up.

“If you think your mans don’t care, how come he just sent me a text asking if you still mad?”

“He asked if I’m mad?” Vanjie sat up straight, the dragon completely unfurling in his chest. “Who the FUCK he think he is?!” Vanjie yelled, Silky laughing as his upstairs neighbors stomped on the ceiling. 

“Bert! Shut the fuck up! We in our feelings down here!”

“Yes Bert, we in our feels!!” Vanjie yelled, “Fuck Brock! Fuck him, how dare he- Fuck him!”

Silky smirked. “I’mma reply you still mad.”

///

“Yes. Yes that would be absolutely perfect. Thank you.”

Brooke hung up, a huge sigh of relief leaving him. 

He felt the blinders of a project slowly fade away, his conscious rising back to the surface, and he stretched out, his back sore from where he had been crouched up on the couch, his laptop in front of him. 

Brooke had finally not only found a physical therapist, but also made an appointment with someone his ballet buddies promised him was the best in L.A. 

A meniscus tear operation wasn’t a big deal when it was a repair, the surgery only arthroscopy and therefor minimally invasive. What actually mattered was how Vanjie recovered and for that, physical therapy would be the key. 

Brooke turned his phone over, a small sigh leaving him when he saw that Silky had replied that Vanjie was still mad. Brooke had no idea why his boyfriend had freaked out, but that was something that happened more often than not with Vanjie, his emotions still a mystery to Brooke most of the time, even though they had dated for years.

///

“Motherfuck-” Vanjie cursed under his breath, his key catching on the door. He tried again, finally jamming his key into the keyhole. “Take that you lil whore.” Vanjie triumphed, as he opened the front door.

“Brock?!”

It hadn’t taken long before Silky had gotten tired of Vanjie’s moping, his friend pulling on a pair of pants and making them an entire teapo of hot toddies, which had turned into a regular little afternoon party while they watched Mickey’s Christmas Carol, and Vanjie was drunk. Vanjie and Silky had discussed what he’d do if he couldn’t dance anymore, Vanjie getting more and more depressed from each suggestion.

He threw his keys in the little bowl by the door, his fannypack following right after, his shoes left behind.

“Riley? Where you at?! Lil bro?”

Vanjie yelled for his dog, and he couldn’t wait to see the little pupper, his lil man, his best furry friend. Vanjie heard music, and he followed the sound to the kitchen, where Brooke was standing at the counter, an apron on. He was humming along as he chopped what looked like a salad.

“Riley is asleep in the bedroom.” Brooke pointed with the knife, before he went back to chopping. 

“You could hear me?”

“It’s hard to miss you.” Brooke looked over his shoulder, a small smile on his lips. “Are you hungry?”

“What you making?”

“It felt like a mac and cheese kinda day.” 

Vanjie opened his mouth, but Brooke was too fast.

“I know you don’t like the stovetop kind, so don’t worry, it’s in the oven.” Brooke picked up the chopping board, pouring all the vegetables into a bowl. “The store around the corner had these super fresh tomatoes when Riley and I walked by-”

At the word walk, Vanjie started crying, big, fat tears falling from his eyes.

“Jose? Are you crying?”

“No!”

“What’s wrong?” Vanjie felt Brooke’s hands on his shoulders. “I thought you were mad at me? Why are you crying?”

“What if I can’t walk Riley no more?” Vanjie sobbed as he angrily wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand. 

“... Why wouldn’t you be able to do that?”

“See!” Vanjie yelled, snot running from his nose. “You don’t even care about the operation.”

“I car-” Brooke cut himself off, and Vanjie could practically hear the breath he took through his nose. “You’re giving me very mixed signals.” Brooke sighed, and Vanjie realised how unfair he was being, his boyfriend thick as fucking shit. “I don’t know what to do.”

“They’re going to take my knee caps.” Vanjie cried, and Brooke offered up the end of his sleeve, Vanjie blowing his nose in it, even though it was a Moschino hoodie. “And my own boyfriend don’t give two shits!”

It was then, that Brooke started laughing.

Vanjie looked up, his jaw slack. 

“What the fuck!” Vanjie hit Brooke’s chest, his small fists hammering against his boyfriends pecs. “Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m sorry,” Brooke caught Vanjie’s fists, holding them against his chest. “Baby, I’m sorry, it’s just…” Brooke smiled. “No one is going to take your kneecaps, you’re not-” Brooke chuckled. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise. I didn’t think you’d think it was that kind of operation.”

“Well I thunk!”

“I can see that.” Brooke held Vanjie’s hands, the two of them standing closely together, Brooke waiting until Vanjie was fully calm.

“Go take a shower, sober up, and we can eat and talk. Okay?”

Vanjie looked up at Brooke. “Okay asshole.”

///

“So if I ain’t losing my knee caps.” Vanjie took a big bite of his food. “How come you didn’t say shit?”

Brooke winched a little. Vanjie was sitting on the opposite side of the table, his boyfriend bundled up in one of Brooke’s sweaters, his dark hair still wet and collected in a little bun that was kind of comical. He had a plate of mostly finished food in front of him, Brooke often pulling the mac and cheese out since he knew Vanjie would eat it if it was homemade, and who didn’t like a proper cheese dish.

“I didn’t even consider the fact that you wouldn’t know how a meniscus tear was treated.” Brooke put his hand down on the table, palm up, and his heart hurt a little as Vanjie looked at it with suspicion. “It’s a very common ballet injury.”

“Well I ain’t no ballet dancer.”

“You’re not.” Brooke smiled. “No ballet dancer could ever shake ass as well as you.”

“Flattery is gonna get you everywhere.” Vanjie huffed, but he still took Brooke’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “But you still a dickhead.”

“Don’t you want to know who I was actually calling?”

“When you abandoned me in my hour of need?”

“Don’t you mean knee?” Brooke laughed, and Vanjie kicked him underneath the table. “Sorry big guy.”

“I might change my mind about the flattery.”

“I was looking for a therapist for you.” Vanjie’s eyes widened, and Brooke hurried to jump in. “Physical! A physical therapist, for your recovery.”

“Bitch I swear I almost shit my pants.” Vanjie put his free hand over his heart. “You scarier than the ghosts of christmas past."

“We’re still in november.” Brooke smiled, Vanjie telling him how he had spent the day drinking at Silky’s and watching christmas movies. “But I guess I could be your ghost if you want."'

"... You've never seen a Christmas Carol?"

"No? Why?"


	4. Chapter 4

“What are you scared of?”

“Everything.”

“Okay, we’ll just.. Work with that. I guess.”

Brooke had seen the fright in Vanjie’s face, and known that his boyfriend needed him to step up, even if he didn’t really understand why he was scared, or what he could do. They had cuddled up on the couch, Vanjie always the most calm when he was held safely in Brooke’s lap, resting against his chest. Brooke had pulled up a video of a meniscus tear operation, attacking Vanjie’s fright with facts, Vanjie biting his lip and shuddering at every little thing as they watched how arthroscopic surgery was performed.

“They gonna shove that entire thing inside of me?” Vanjie pointed at the screen, his face scrunched up, the doctor on screen operating with the metal tools. “Shit..”

“They’re professionals.” Brooke smiled a little, kissing Vanjie’s temple. 

Brooke had never needed surgery in his entire adult life, which was honestly a miracle when you considered the fact that his main profession had always been dance. Brooke had witnessed countless friends and coworkers going through both experiencing tears, but also coming back on the other side after a successful operation and rehab. 

“I’m sure they have it all under control.”

Vanjie groaned. “Imma ask for the full narcosic experience.“

“I’m sure your surgeon will appreciate it.” Brooke smirked, Vanjie yelling out in outrage, a weight falling from Brooke’s shoulders as he realised that his boyfriend was at least somewhat back to normal.

///

If you asked Vanjie, the first week of December had gone by way too fast. L.A had gotten decked out in it’s best christmas wear, and while Brooke still insisted on wearing t-shirts and tank tops, Vanjie had busted out the sweaters, even though it was still well over 60 degrees, but it was the christmas feel, and he wasn’t backing down.

He had visited his own doctor at the Los Angeles LGBT center, both Brooke and Vanjie instantly thinking of Nina when they had to make the decision of a doctor in L.A. Mary-Ann had walked Vanjie through the healing process, Vanjie crying in her practice chair when he heard that Brooke had called in with a physical therapist for him, his boyfriend often so utterly thick but so painfully caring when it truly counted. He had been shown a model of a knee, Mary-Ann telling him how everything worked, his meniscus looking exactly like one of Riley’s chew toys.

His least favorite part of the week had been calling Morgan, Vanjie walking around the livingroom for almost an hour before he had gotten his shit together and picked up his phone, actually telling Morgan that he wouldn’t be able to perform for the rest of the month physically painful, but he had done it. 

“We have to cancel your christmas tour.”

Vanjie looked over at Jason, his heart heavy at his managers words. “I know… It’s just… ” Vanjie picked at this napkin, the white paper shredding between his fingers. “You sure we gotta?”

Vanjie and Jason were at Starbucks, a cup of creme brulee christmas coffee left almost untouched as Vanjie had taken a single sip before deciding that he hated it. 

Jason had called Vanjie up, Vanjie knowing the moment he got the call at 7.30 that Steve had told Jason. Vanjie was very happy that Brooke’s best friend was also his manager, the tight relationship working perfectly for his anxious boyfriend, but sometimes, it truly came back to haunt Vanjie’s ass. Brooke told Steve practically everything, and since both Steve and Jason worked for Kings and Queens entertainment, Steve wasn’t about to let any piece of vital information, no matter how he had obtained it, cause trouble for Jason, even if it meant that Vanjie was completely toast.

“You’re going to be on crutches.”

Vanjie bit his lip. He knew Jason was right, had known it enough to call Morgan, but he still couldn’t stomach the idea of canceling his own christmas tour. He was supposed to have gone to Australia for a two week holiday tour, the Australian summer so much more inviting than the harsh colds of Northern Europe where Brooke was spending a week touring around Great Britain. Brooke loved London, loved the forced intimacy of the small bars that could only hold the most dedicated of fans, even if the stages caused him to feel claustrophobic, while Vanjie preferred big venues and even bigger crowds where he couldn’t be expected to be completely present and handing out pieces of himself to every single member of the audience.

“I could deck them up real festive with some tinsel?” Vanjie looked up at Jason’s face, hoping that his attempt at humor would soften his manager, but Jason looked just as serious.

“Jose.”

“If I just wiggle about a bit?” Vanjie shrugged, though he knew it was a battle he was losing. “Rename the show to the hobbled Christmas ho?”

Jason snorted, a smile playing on his lips. “Nice try.” Jason took a drink of his coffee. “But it’s still a no.”

Vanjie groaned. “The fans’re gonna be real sad.”

“They’ll survive.” Jason looked at Vanjie, and Vanjie had the strange sense that Jason was almost analysing him, his eyes gliding over his face like he was searching for something. “Do you want me to help you write a statement for your profiles?”

Vanjie felt himself blush, Jason’s statement poking at the most sensitive parts of him. Vanjie had never had a professional bone in his body, had never had the desire to be someone who signed their emails properly or had a travel plan down before he left the house. There was however one thing that had taught him how to behave, better than any promoter or deal that fell through ever could, and that was Brooke’s disappointment.

He wasn’t good at it, would probably never be good at acting like a professional, but Vanjie had one incident that still lived in the pit of his stomach. He had been booked for a solo show a Cabaret Mado, and had gotten his call time wrong, the promoter and owner of the club chewing him up and spitting him out, Vanjie calling Brooke in tears for comfort, but Brooke hadn’t understood at all, his boyfriend not showing a single trace of sympathy, actually telling Vanjie that he was in the wrong. 

Apologizing to the booker had been one of the hardest things Vanjie had ever done, but no matter how bitter owning up to his mistake had been, it had been nothing compared to the devastating weight of Brooke’s disappointment in him. 

“Yes please.” Vanjie smiled a little. “That’d be real nice.”

///

“Brock?”

“Hi Mommy.”

Brooke smiled at the sound of his mother's voice. He was stuffing the washing machine full, Vanjie officially banned from using the household appliance after the third machine he had broken.

“Is everything okay?” Joan sounded worried. “You never call except on sundays.”

Brooke snorted a little. He had never been good at keeping his mother updated, had never been the most diligent of sons, but her statement sounded exactly like a read. “Am I that bad of a son?”

“You’re perfect just the way you are.” 

Brooke felt his heart clench, the words falling from his mother's lips unimaginable when he had been in his early twenties. It had taken decades for Joan to come to terms with the fact that her son was gay, Brooke’s older sister Joanna accidentially truly plowing the way when she had come out as a lesbian. It had been somewhat of a blessing for his family life that he had become a permanent judge on Drag Race Canada, the filming schedule that usually took up about a month of his year, every year, meaning that he saw his brother and sisters and mother more than he had ever done before in his adult life.

“I was actually calling because…” Brooke unfolded a pair of Vanjie’s socks before throwing them in the machine, his label obsessed boyfriend even buying brand name socks, while Brooke still preferred a 10 size pack of Target’s finest in house brand. “Well…”

Brooke knew it was serious, knew it was a big deal that Vanjie needed an operation, but he hadn’t realised how serious it actually sounded, until he had to tell his mother.

“Jose got injured.”

“What?” Joan gasped, and Brooke felt his heart sink as he retold the story of how Vanjie had fallen down on stage.

“Oh dear lord.” Joan whispered as Brooke finished his story. “How long will the recovery be?” 

“3-6 weeks on crutches.” Brooke closed the washing machine door, easily starting the machine. “A bit less if he’s good with his physical therapy.”

“I hope you’ll keep a hold on him Brock.” 

“Jose is a grown man mommy.” Brooke smiled, standing up, his phone still pressed against his ear. “I’m sure he can manage on his own.”

“I’m sure he can too,” Joan sighed a little, “but that doesn’t mean that he won’t need you.”

Brooke bit his lip, his mother's words hitting him. He had just emailed the final details with his English staff, his christmas show ballet numbers mixed with christmas songs and numbers he couldn’t wait to perform, hopefully shocking his audience with songs like Carol of the Bells with a heavy metal twist.

“That’s actually part of why I called.” Brooke opened the hallway closet, Henry coming running the second he heard the sound. “Jose and I might not be able to make it home for christmas.”

It hurt Brooke to say it, but he didn’t want Vanjie to deal with snowy Toronto while on crutches. Vanjie loved snow, but he also loved the idea of snow a lot more than the reality of it, his boyfriends tendency to idolize nonexisting movie versions of things also kicking in when it came to snow and the unpleasant sides of winter weather.

“I haven’t talked to him yet,” Brooke filled the cat bowl with kitty food, Henry practically crawling into it, “but I’m going to offer that we go to Florida or Chicago for the holidays.” They had celebrated with Vanjie’s family the year before, Vanjie’s family if possible even louder and more colorful than himself. “I’m not sure what we’re doing yet, but I wanted you to hear it from me in case we have to change the plan.”

Brooke hadn’t put anything online about Vanjie’s injury except for his initial live yet, the fans calming down as Vanjie had been spotted around L.A walking around on two legs that looked perfectly functioning from the outside. 

Brooke heard his mother sigh, Joan sounding a little let down as she replied. “I understand. You have to do what’s best for both of you.”

“Thank you mommy.”

“The little ones are going to be sad you’re not coming.” Brooke could hear the tease, and he snorted. He had several nieces and nephews, and Brooke loved each and every one of them with his entire heart.

“Let’s be honest.” Brooke smiled, closing the closet again. “They’re going to be sad at the fact that uncle Jose isn’t coming.”

A few years ago, Brooke would have choked with fright even considering saying Vanjie’s name so freely in relation to his family, but now - it felt simply natural, the title of uncle falling so easily from his lips.

“No one else is that enthusiastic trying their new toys with them.”

Brooke chuckled, Vanjie absolutely like a kid every christmas day, the kids of the family flocking around him to share their christmas joy with the one adult who truly got them.

“I hope we’ll still be able to go.” Brooke grabbed Riley’s lease, the dog not coming even though Brooke knew he could hear the bell. “But worst case, I promise we’ll ship the presents out well in advance so you’ll have them to mend the wound.”

“Our heavenly father doesn’t care about presents Brock.” Joan’s voice was serious. “He cares about family.”

Brooke smiled, his mother forever his mother. 

“Yes Mommy. I know.”

///

“Are you ready?”

“Imma be honest Mary.” Vanjie looked up at the nurse, who was standing over him. “I feel like I’ma ‘bout to shit my pants.”

Vanjie was lying on an operating table, a big blue plastic sheet ready to be put over his head the minute he passed out. 

“We promise you won’t.” The nurse smiled, a plastic mask in her hand. Vanjie had gone with Brooke back to the hospital, his boyfriend holding his hand the entire way, even when their palms had gotten sweaty, the wet sensation one Brooke usually hated. Vanjie hadn’t asked the nurse if Brooke could come with him, everyone dressed in scrubs and looking like big blue aliens, but it felt nice to know that Brooke was waiting just outside the door, his boyfriend making his way through the last of the paperbacks he had been gifted on their latest leg of Werq the World.

“But we will see you in about 30 minutes.”

“Y’all that fast?” Vanjie looked at the nurse, sure his eyebrow was crooked and his expression one of distrust since the nurse smiled. 

“We have very good doctors here, and we do hundreds of these a month.” She placed the anesthesia mask over Vanjie’s mouth. “Now count with me please.”

Vanjie watched her. “Backwards from 10 please.”

///

“Babe, you really have to come see something in the living room.” Brooke was itching, his back damp with nervous sweat. Vanjie had been delivered from the operating room a little disoriented, but otherwise completely fine, except for the white bandages that were wrapped around his leg, and the crutches he had to learn to navigate.

“Why you acting? You told me a god damned trillion times.” Vanjie was still trying to get his shoes off, actually getting out of a sneaker a whole lot harder than anticipated since he couldn’t bend his knee. “I just wanna go to bed, and maybe suck a dick."

Brooke snorted, for a moment forgetting his worry, Vanjie so wonderfully ridiculous, but he was pulled back to the present as he heard a brief sneeze from the livingroom. 

“Please?”

Brooke knew he was begging as he got down on his knee, quickly undoing Vanjie’s laces and helping him out of his shoes.

“Fine.” Vanjie growled. “I’mma have a serious word with Silks.” Vanjie hobbled towards the living room door, still not very sure on his crutches. “I done gone been out for hours and I ain’t seen shit for the dick or the sushi she promised.”

Brooke raised a brow at the comment that Silky had apparently somehow promised Vanjie dick, but he chose to push it down, Vanjie finally touching the door and opening it.

“Surprise!”

The yell was so loud Vanjie almost fell backwards, Brooke catching him, their living room filled with L.A queens. Mayhem, Mariah, Naomi and Gia where all smashed together on their dove grey couch, Silky, Ongina, Morgan and Shangela sitting on the floor around their coffee table, the normally near empty surface filled up with booze bottles and pizza boxes. 

“Y’all scared the crap out of me!” Vanjie yelled, his shoulder’s vibrating in Brooke’s grab, Brooke laughing as he bent down to press a kiss into Vanjie’s hair.

“An emergency key goes both ways!” Silky laughed loudly, an incredibly smug expression on his face. “Boom baby!” Silky threw out his arms, almost hitting Ongina in the face.

“Where my dog at?” Vanjie looked around, and Brooke smiled, the worry for Riley so extremely natural, Brooke already knowing that both Apollo and Henry had sought refugee underneath the bed.

“He’s fine. I knew they were coming” Brooke hugged Vanjie from behind, the other man relaxing the moment he heard his dog was okay. “He’s with Jason for the night.”

Vanjie looked up at Brooke, nearly breaking his neck as he pressed the back of his head into Brooke’s chest. “That why you told me to wear one of my good shirts?!”

“I knew you’d be mad if I hadn’t.” Brooke smirked, and Vanjie growled. “I thought you just wanted me to look nice for the nurses or some shit like that.”

“No long faces now!” Shangela stood up, grabbing Vanjie’s arm and dragging him to the couch, dumping him down before he handed Vanjie a solo cup. “Cheers baby!” Shangela held up his glass. “Congratulations on your operation!”

“Congratulations!”

Everyone laughed, raising their glasses. Vanjie drank, his eyes still filled with suspicion.

“Not that I ain’t thankful, cause I am, but why the fuck are all y’all here?”

“Oh baby.” Gia smiled. “We couldn’t let you live through this drama on your own.”

“On his own?” Brooke raised an eyebrow. “What I am then? Garbage.”

“Let me rephrase.” Gia smirked, her long dark hair looking perfect as it cascaded down her shoulders. “We couldn’t leave Brooke alone with your dramatic ass.”

“Hey!” Vanjie laughed, his cup already halfempty.

“Can I draw on your leg?” Mayhem wiggled his brows, and Vanjie hugged his friend, Brooke watching it all happen.

“It’s not a casket.” Naomi smiled, holding his own cup to his lips, his long legs barely fitting on the couch. “You can’t draw on bandages.” 

“Not with that attitude you can’t.” Mariah teased, everyone bursting into laughter, Vanjie completely forgetting the fact that he had been ready to go to bed just moments before as both Gia and Naomi whipped their phones out for a selfie party.

“Hey, Morgan.” Brooke caught the other queen by the arm, Morgan just about to go to the kitchen for another refill for everyone. “Thank you so much for the idea.”

Morgan had been the primary force behind the party, the beating heart of Mickey’s jumping at the chance to arrange something for Vanjie the moment he had gotten the message that Vanjie was actually seriously hurt.

“It’s not my fault your boyfriend looks like a kicked puppy when she’s sad.” Morgan smiled, and Brooke pulled him in for a hug.

“You have a heart of gold.” He pulled away slightly, Morgan almost looking embarrassed. 

Don’t make me look soft.” Morgan smirked. “We all know you’re the main bitch that got whipped into shape by little Miss Vanjie.”

Brooke laughed, Morgan’s words ever so right, the night disappearing with bad karaoke and pizza shared with friends.


	5. Chapter 5

Vanjie loved it when Brooke fucked his face.

He loved the twists in his hair and how Brooke would tuck on it, his boyfriend forgetting everything when Vanjie sucked him deep, Brooke moaning like a man in pain whenever Vanjie cupped his balls just right. 

Vanje loved the sensation of Brooke at the back of his throat, the cock thick and long and absolutely perfect, his mouth forced open and full. He loved the sensation of drool running down his chin, but he loved it most of all when Brooke got bossy and commanding, loved the sensation of being pushed down, Brooke groaning, filth spilling from his lips, one hand in his hair, hips pumping, cock twitching, it all ending in weak little moans and shudders of pleasure as Brooke came deep within Vanjie’s throat, Vanjie eagerly drinking him down and sucking him clean until he was soft, Brooke pulling him away and up with a weak chuckle.

“Hey.” 

Vanjie loved how tender Brooke was, his voice warm, his eyes soft, his mouth a little open as he was still recovering.

It was dark outside, the noises of L.A ever present, but Vanjie didn’t care, their blankets bundled on the floor from where Vanjie had pulled them off them. 

“Hey.” Vanjie smiled, nuzzling into Brooke’s neck, the skin warm with sleep and smelling exactly like Brooke, Vanjie’s own cock hot and heavy between them. 

Brooke reached between them, fingers gripping the waistband of his jock, just to let it go, the brief spike of pain from the elastic so delicious his hip stuttered. Brooke grabbed his cock, his hand easily covering Vanjie’s fabric covered bulge. Vanjie had no idea he’d ever love it rough, his fantasies always filled with scenes like those he had seen in romance movies, rose petals and candle lights everywhere, but Brooke was maddingly good when he took with no regard, the raw masculinity of how Brooke would grab and push and pull, bending, breaking, taking, setting Vanjie’s body on fire.

“Mmh.”

Brooke pushed Vanjie’s strap down, his hand closing around Vanjie’s cock, his flesh hot and hard and wet, precum soaking his shaft. Vanjie groaned, hips thrusting. 

“No pain?”

Vanjie shook his head, a whimper leaving him as Brooke rubbed his thumb over his slit, skin sliding on skin, body already humming and ready to break apart from serving Brooke, Vanjie still tasting the perfect bitterness on his tongue. 

Brooke ran his free hand down Vanjie’s back, Vanjie melting at how perfectly big his boyfriends palm was. Brooke pressed them together, chest against chest, his hand trapped, Brooke’s fingers catching on Vanjie’s rim, a thumb pressing in in in as Brooke continued his assault on Vanjie’s senses, Brooke dancing on the most sensitive parts of him, owning, loving, using. 

“My sweet boy.”

Brooke says it with a growl, and Vanjie shudders, his entire body jerking, his cock rubbing om Brooke’s abs, his boyfriend’s stomach tight and taunt, and Vanjie comes, Brooke’s voice in his ear, his lips on his skin, drowning in the sense and scent and love, Vanjie painting Brooke with spurts of white, a warm sea of comfort and safety taking him down, down, down as he falls back asleep, Brooke bundling both of them up once again in the blankets.

///

“Morning big guy.”

Vanjie cracked an eye open to look up at Brooke, his man just back from the gym judging by the clothes he was wearing.

“Are you going to come and get breakfast?”

“Noooooo.” Vanjie buried himself in the beds. 

“It wasn’t a request.”

“I don’t wanna get up.” Vanjie looked up at Brooke. “Not like I’m doing shit today anyway.”

“You still have to eat.” Brooke chuckled. “Come on cutie.” Brooke pulled the duvet, uncovering Vanjie, the new nickname actually making him peak up.

“I ain’t cute.”

“You’re adorable.” Brooke smiled, pulling at Vanjie’s sweats as well. They were way too big for him, the pants actually belonging to Brooke, but everything Vanjie owned was too tight around the bandages on his leg at night. 

“And an absolute brat.”

Vanjie had to admit he was slowing down into something that smarter people would probably call depression, but Vanjie was used to moving, used to always being on the go, and so far he had done nothing but stay on the couch, and go to the physical therapy Brooke refused to allow him to skip out on.

“Not a brat.” Vanjie rolled onto his back, groaning as Brooke grabbed his ankle, holding up his leg.

“That sounds debatable.” Brooke chuckled, putting Vanjie’s foot against his check as he rolled up the pant leg of the sweats, settling it over Vanjie’s knee. Brooke took his foot, forcing Vanjie to bend his leg.

“Does this hurt?” Brooke pushed even more, bending his leg completely.

“No.” It had become somewhat of a morning ritual between them, his knee burning some days after therapy, while he felt completely normal on others.

“Good.” Brooke dropped the leg, and Vanjie yelped as it hit the bed, a sharp lightning bolt of pain shooting through him.

“Bitch what the fuck!” Vanjie flew up, his feet hitting the floor, ready to fight, but Brooke was just laughing. “Why you laughing ho!”

“Got you out of bed, didn’t it?” Brooke smiled, and Vanjie huffed, crossing his arms. 

“You an absolute asshole.”

“And you’re 29, not 89.” Brooke put his arm around Vanjie shoulder, the two of them walking to the kitchen together, Vanjie barely using Brooke as a crutch. “You can’t dance, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything at all.”

Vanjie couldn’t pinpoint when they had fallen into the habit of staying in for breakfast, Brooke’s crazy travel schedule slowing down slowly as he no longer hopped from bar to bar in the middle of nowhere, his work schedule shifting to bigger tours, TV performances and venues that could carry the amount of people who wanted to come see him. It also meant that they had longer stretches of time together, Brooke’s enjoyment of cooking and spending time recharging rubbing off of Vanjie.

“I have some errands to run today.” Brooke placed two plates of breakfast on the table, Vanjie accepting the fruit plate he had made for him.

“For the tour?”

“Mmh.” Brooke smiles. “I still need to finalize some bits before Brooke Lynn Hates Christmas goes live-”

Vanjie snorted. The first time he had heard the unofficial title of the show, he had assumed it was a joke, but as december had started, it seemed like Brooke was fully serious about doing a christmas show about hating christmas. 

“But you should really think of an activity to do that doesn’t involve the couch today.”

Vanjie felt it like a punch to the gut, Brooke’s dismissal one he had expected, but not the one he had hoped would come. 

“Umh…” Vanjie bit his lip. “I guess I could text Alexis?”

“That sounds like a great idea.” Brooke smiled, catching Vanjie’s foot under the table as he ate.

Vanjie tapped his pocket, but he had forgotten his phone in the bedroom, Brooke pulling him out of bed meaning that he had forgotten everything in his morning ritual besides his meds.

“Can you go get my phone?” Vanjie looked at Brooke. He could do it himself, but he got sore so fast it didn’t feel worth it.

Brooke watched him, Vanjie fully expecting him to force him to get it himself, but then, Brooke chuckled, leaning over the table to give him a quick peck. “Sure Papi.”

Brooke got up, walking away and Vanjie watched him. Brooke was still in his gym gear, the private gym in their building one Brooke used almost every single day, the muscle tops he preferred not Vanjie’s favorites, but he so enjoyed the peaks it provided him. 

“Woof!”

Vanjie looked down, just to see Riley who had ran underneath the table.

“Hey lil bro.” Vanjie smirked, picking up his dog and settling him down on the bench next to him, his hand running through Riley’s fur, scratching the old dog that he loved so very much. Vanjie took a piece of watermelon, giving it to Riley as he held a finger over his lips. “Don’t you go snitching on me, kay?”

Riley woofed, and Vanjie smiled, his furry friend settling with his head in his lap.

“Here you go.” Brooke handed Vanjie his phone, Vanjie grabbing it, but Brooke didn’t release it.

“Hey-” Vanjie pulled, but Brooke pulled back, refusing to let go.

“What do I get for getting it?” Brooke smirked, raising an eyebrow, and Vanjie huffed, laughing himself. “I did use Canadian Express.”

“A kiss?” 

Brooke hummed for a second, before he leaned down, kissing Vanjie, his forearm resting against the wall, boxing Vanjie in, the two of them lazily enjoying each other, until Brooke broke away, a smile on his lips.

“Thank you big guy.” Brooke gave him a least peck, picking up his cup and walking off to make another round of coffee.

Vanjie focused on his phone, opening it to send a text to Alexis, when he saw that he had received an email from Jason, the subject line ‘Pay in December’.

“The fuck…”

Vanjie opened it, the email containing a PDF with an overview of the expected income from December, as well as the running expenses Vanjie had, like paying Jason. He had an income from merch, WOW running so many series with him that he got a bit of a paycheck each month but it was nowhere near what he normally made, actually, it was close to nothing at all.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.” Vanjie whispered, panic rising in his throat, the canceled Christmas tour in Australia as well as the missing gigs at Mickey’s truly destroying his paycheck.

“What’s the matter?” Brooke looked over, and Vanjie felt like an idiot. He barely had savings, a thing he knew Brooke would chew him out for, but it was so hard to keep money in the bank, when there were so many cool and interesting things he could do instead.

“I ain’t gonna make shit in december…” Vanjie groaned. “What am I supposed to do? I haven’t even gone shopping for gifts yet!”

Brooke leaned against the kitchen counter, taking a sip of the coffee in his hand. “You could see if anyone is interested in hiring you as a karaoke host?” Brooke smiled, and Vanjie threw an apple slice at him.

“Bitch! This is serious! Don’t you want no fucking christmas present?!”

“I honestly think that’s more of a you problem than a me problem. I don’t care about the gifts” Brooke walked over to the table, gently padding Riley on the butt, the dog running off. “But I do know how much it means to you.”

Vanjie groaned, leaning against Brooke’s side. It was true that Brooke probably didn’t have a problem with not getting a gift, but Vanjie felt hot all over at the thought of not being able to treat the people in his life that he loved with the luxury they deserved.

“Don’t you have that big lair of unsold prints?” Brooke looked down at Vanjie. “From that last leg of Werq?”

“How do you know that?”

Brooke chuckled. “It doesn’t take a genius when it’s all stocked in the Drag Room.” Brooke kissed Vanjie’s hair. “Sign them, and sell them off? Create a profit?”

Vanjie bit his lip, Brooke right that he could sell them. His problem usually that he could never focus on signing, so much going on around him, but with the knee he was bound to the couch more than ever, signing while watching TV something he could actually do.

“You need a UK assistant? You pay your workers real good, right?”

“I do.” Brooke snorted. “But the position is taken up by Farrah, and while I adore you, I don’t think you’d do a very good job.”

Vanjie hid himself in Brooke’s shoulder. It was absolutely true, the two of them working horribly together when they were on the same level and the same team, but it still hurt to be dismissed so easily.

“You know how much my drag mom loves the UK ass.”

Vanjie chuckled, Brooke absolutely right, Farrah always going to the UK whenever there was a chance.

“You could always do porn? You do have an absolutely amazing body.” Brooke suggested, taking a drink from his coffee. ”I’d pay for it.” 

“NO!!” Vanjie sat up straight, hitting Brooke hard in the chest, which made his boyfriend laugh loudly.


	6. Chapter 6

Vanjie shook out his hand, his fingers cramped up in a way they usually only ever where when he had gone to town on Brooke’s ass during a blowjob. 

He was sitting in the living room, Love Actually playing on the TV, Riley napping next to him. It was Vanjie that had taken the dog on his morning walk, Brooke forcing him out of bed, and practically dragging him like a mama with a baby kitten to the door, but as they had come outside, Brooke treating Vanjie to a christmas coffee, it had actually been pretty okay.

“Are you finished?”

Vanjie looked up, to see Brooke standing in the doorway to the living room. His boyfriend was in jeans and a t-shirt, Brooke absolutely refusing to dress up in appropriate christmas gear, giving bullshit excuse like how hot it was outside.

“Just need another 40…” Vanjie pointed to the stack of prints. They had gone through the pictures together, even finding a few extra pieces of merch that Vanjie had never gotten sold, the christmas bundles actually shaping up to be pretty solid deals, Brooke even throwing a few pieces of his old stuff into the mix.

Jason had been so proud when Vanjie had called about the prints, his manager not even asking if it was Brooke’s idea, even though Vanjie was pretty sure they both knew it had come from his boyfriend. 

Brooke had nearly laughing himself silly when they had come across a stack of season 10 prints, the outfits so very different from everything Vanjie wore now. Vanjie had flown in his face at the critique, Brooke defending himself which only made Vanjie even louder, the fight ending with rough handjobs, Vanjie nearly coming all over a pair of his favorite shoes.

“Good. I can drop them off on my way to the drycleaners?” Brooke smiled, and Vanjie wanted to be happy for him, he really did, but it stung like a motherfucker that Brooke was still leaving, his boyfriend only going for a drive since he was picking up the last of his costumes.

“Cool...” Vanjie looked down at the stack, suddenly motivated to work as slowly as humanly possible. “Cool cool cool…” Vanjie bit his lip.

Vanjie felt the couch dip, Brooke sitting down next to him. “What are we watching?” 

“Love Actually…” Vanjie smiled a bit, Brooke’s warm hand landing on his knee, and Vanjie felt himself relax, the christmas spirit settling over them.

///

The worst thing about living in L.A, was without a doubt the traffic. Brooke had popped into Kings and Queens with the bags of merch, Jason giving him a hug, the other managers that shared the Los Angeles office happy to see him as well, everyone asking about Vanjie’s health, all of them, no matter what client they represented, interested in how Vanjie was doing. 

_ “Hello?” _

“Hey!” Brooke smiled brightly as the sound of his drag mother's voice carried out through the bluetooth speakers in the car. “How are you?"

_ “What did you do?” _

Brooke laughed, flickering on the light, signaling a turn. It was so like Farra to assume that he had done something wrong, his drag mother never trusting him much further than she could throw him, which wasn’t far at all. “I’m just calling about the flights.”

_ “Flights?” _

“You haven’t confirmed anything. I sent you the tickets last week, and I want to make sure you can make it.”

Brooke groaned to himself as he had driven right into another traffic jam, L.A truly horrendous. Brooke adjusted his seat, the car one he and Silky had bought together to share when they were in L.A, which meant they had an ongoing drivers seat battle going on, Vanjie always preferring to be chauffeured around whenever he could.

_ “We’re still going?” _

Brooke stopped what he was doing, to look at his phone. “Yes?” Brooke didn’t understand the question.

_ “I just assumed…” _ Farra was hesitant, a tone of voice Brooke wasn’t used to hearing from her at all.  _ “I mean, with Jose’s injury and all. I figured you’d be staying home” _

“Why does everyone insist on acting like he’s dying?” Brooke bit his lip, annoyance flaring up in his chest. “He has had a meniscus tear operation, actually, let me rephrase that. He has had a successful meniscus tear operation, he’s already well into his recovery, and-.”

_ “There’s no need to take that tone with me young man.” _ Farra snipped, and Brooke felt his ears turn pink.

“Sorry Mama…” Brooke breathed through his nose. 

_ “All is forgiven baby.” _ Brooke could hear Farra smile, _ “So, where are we going to party? Because I really liked that pub we went to last tim-” _

Brooke snorted, his drag mother always down for a good night out.

///

“Are you sure you want to go to Canada?”

“Bitch do I look like a quitter?”

Brooke smiled, Vanjie actually looking very much like a quitter as he was laying on the couch, wrapped in a giant bundle of blankets, just the top of his head sticking out. Brooke had come home to find a Vanjie that apparently hadn’t moved all day, except to get the blankets he was now huddled up in.

“So I’m taking that as a no.” Brooke looked over at Vanjie. 

“You gonna stand there looking like a dumbass, or you gonna come cuddle?”

Brooke snorted, Vanjie as assertive and demanding as he had always been. Brooke walked over, dumping down on the couch.

“Did you do your therapy today?”

Vanjie nodded, actually popping out from under his cocoon. “Even did a live.”

Brooke smiled. He had watched Vanjie’s live on his way home in the car, his boyfriend doing a review of every movie he had watched that day, Vanjie better than any radio show Brooke had ever found.

Vanjie unwrapped himself from the blankets, Brooke smiling as a naked chest showed up, Vanjie apparently only sitting in his underwear.

“Eyes up here cowboy.”

Brooke looked up, Vanjie’s eyes filled with glee at how obviously he had checked him out.

“You were really funny.”

“Mmh?” Vanjie smirked, and Brooke could see that he was keeping a secret from him, even as he cuddled underneath his arm, an arm slung over Brooke’s chest, a leg following behind.

“I’mma miss you….”

“I’mma miss you too big guy.” Brooke smiled. “More than you know.”

///

_ “I don’t want him to leave.” _

Silky sighed. He was working away on a homemade dish of fried chicken, each piece needing his full attention, even though his best friend was yapping away on the phone.

“Then tell him that.”  **Again,** Silky added in his head, though he’d never say it out loud.

_ “I’m Purto Rican, I’ma too proud to beg twice.” _

Silky would argue that Vanjie had barely asked the first time, but he could also admit that he absolutely understood Vanjie’s reluctance to ask Brooke to stay home, the season 11 winner always yapping about work ethics and professionalism. 

“What did you say exactly?”

_ “That I’ma miss him.” _

“And then he dared not to cancel his tour?” Silky fake gasped. He wasn’t the biggest fan of Brooke, the two of them not always seeing eye to eye, least of all when Brooke always insisted on leaving the car seat in the dumbest positions, but for once, Silky was actually on Brooke’s side.

_ “You ain’t helping.” _

“Break up with him then.”

_ “Silks!” _

“What?!” Silky fished a piece of chicken out of his pot, a smile on his face, Vanjie’s outrage so very much his best friend. “It’s a solid suggestion.”

_ “I ain’t gonna break up with my man.” _ Vanjie groaned, and Silky could practically see how he had thrown himself on the couch.  _ “He just… Fuck.” _

“You want me to come over?” Silky had already turned the stove off, ready to go next door if Vanjie actually needed him too.

_ “Nah.”  _ Vanjie sighed. _ “It’s Brock’s last day at home, ain’t no psycho bitch here. Gotta make sure he’s gonna miss my ass while he gone.” _

“Your psycho bitch is pretty intense.” Silky smiled to himself, the last time Vanjie had flown completely off the handle still fresh in his mind.

_ “Sides, I wanna enjoy him while I got the chance.” _

“Get some of that good D?” Silky smirked, and Vanjie huffed.

_ “Gotta fill the tank. Like one of those llama bitches”  _

“You mean a camel?”

_“Same shit._ _You now I love me some Joan, but there ain’t nothing in this known universe that makes Brock’s dick softer than being ‘round his mama, so I gotta ration until New Years.”_

Silky laughed, nearly choking on air, Vanjie his favorite person in the entire universe.

///

Brooke woke up to the sound of Vanjie yelling with joy, from the top of his lungs.

“What? What!” Brooke sat up, his heart racing away, Vanjie wiggling back and forth on the bed, his arms above his head.

“Yes bitch!” Vanjie smiled brightly, throwing himself in Brooke’s arms.

“What?” Brooke laughed, Vanjie’s mood rubbing off on him, even though he was terribly confused, his entire body sore from the practical fuckathon they had gone through the night before.

“I woke up to check my phone.” Vanjie waved his phone, and Brooke smiled, the ritual as important to Vanjie as a shit and a shave, while Brooke could easily go hours without checking in.

“You still haven’t answered my question Papi.”

“You know how the devil works hard?”

“You can just say Bianca.” Brooke smiled, his hand gliding over Vanjie’s chest, gently petting him, the skin hot to the touch.

“Well the gay interns work harder.” Vanjie kissed Brooke’s neck, and Brooke sighed, the slight scratch of a beard when Vanjie didn’t have to work always maddeling delicious. “I gotten asked to do all these interviews and shit.”

“You have?” Brooke looked down, Vanjie usually nearly impossible to pin down, even though he didn’t mind doing interviews.

“Mmh..” Vanjie smirked, kissing Brooke again. “I’ma be on Vogue! We shooting on monday!”

Brooke’s eyes widened, his stomach crumbling instantly at the thought that he wouldn’t be around to go with Vanjie, though his heart soared with happiness for his boyfriend.

///

“You done packing?” Vanjie watched Brooke, the other man sipping up the last of his suitcases, the Louis Vuitton set one Vanjie had given him for his birthday.

“Mmh.” Brooke stood up, a smile on his face. 

Vanjie could see the excitement radiating from Brooke, the other man clearly so excited to hit the road. It was hard for Brooke to make time for solo shows, TV and ensemble tours taking up so much of their time, but Brooke loved going on the road, loved weird little dressing rooms he couldn’t actually fit into and all the people he got to meet, loved the throwbacks to his early days of getting ready with people he barely knew and drinking cheap vodka before getting up and doing it all again, and Vanjie didn’t want to be the one who held him from it.

“I wish you didn’t have to go…” Vanjie nearly whispered, his hand in his pocket.

“What?” Brooke looked over at him. “Did you say something?” Brooke touched his ear, clearly confused at the fact that he had apparently missed something Vanjie had said, which made Vanjie smile, his boyfriend absolutely ridiculous.

“I didn’t say shit.” Vanjie held out his hand, Brooke walking over, allowing Vanjie to grab his t-shirt. “I just, I’ma miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too big guy.” Brooke smiled, leaning down. “But we’ll see each other for christmas.”

“Mmh…” Vanjie tilted his head, kissing Brooke. “We will.”

///

Stepping out in Heathrow was always an experience, the airport utter chaos. Brooke had slept for most of the flight, even though he had upgraded both himself and Farra to first class, a christmas gift from him to him. Brooke turned his phone on, an avalanche of messages from Vanjie ticking into his emails, and Brooke felt his stomach twist. 

It had started to nag him on the flight, the sensation that he had made a mistake burrowing itself in the back of his skull.

He had finished his shown, owning the stage, the UK fans all in love with his performance and the cheeky, sarcastic and silly twist he had put on an expected christmas cabaret, but he hadn’t soared like he usually would, his stomach slightly twisted no matter what he did, not even his fifth shot of tequila with Farra easing the knot, the idea of another 12 days not exciting him at all. 

They had danced the night away, but it hadn’t helped at all, Brooke pushing guys aside left and right, not allowing anyone close, the night just turning more and more sour.

Brooke missed Vanjie. Missed him so much it hurt, and he wished he was home.

“Pick up pick up pick up.” Brooke whispered to himself. He was sitting on the floor of his hotel bathroom, the world spinning as he had his phone pressed against his ear. He was still in face, his body sloppy drunk in a way it hadn’t been in years.

“Hey?”

“I’m sorry.”

“The fuck you sorry for?” Brooke could hear the concern in Vanjie’s voice, and if he knew his boyfriend at all, his first thought was probably that Brooke had cheated, the trust never fully there between them, even though Brooke had never done anything to earn it.

“I’m sorry…”

“Brock? Baby? You freaking me out here. What’s wrong?”

“I miss you.”

“You drunk?”

Brooke started crying, tears falling from his eyes. “I miss you so much and it hurts.”

“Oh baby…” Vanjie’s voice was so soft, and Brooke just cried even more. “That ain’t a bad thing. How much have you had?”

“I don’t know… I’m in my bathroom…”

“Mami, listen to me-”

“No.” Brooke wiped his nose, his hand coming away with smears of makeup. “You listen to me-” Brooke felt his world spin, but it was important. “I fucked up, I fucked up and I left you, and you need me and I’m not there and I shouldn’t have left you-”

“No bitch you really shouldn’t.”

Brooke felt his heart stop, Vanjie’s words hitting him like a train.

“I- I-”

“But if you hadn’t.” Vanjie’s voice was soft, so very soft. “You wouldn’t be my man,” Brooke could hear his smile. “You’re dumb as a rock.”

“Hey-"

“You don’t know shit about romance.”

“That’s not fair-”

“And you ain’t ever gonna be no fucking nurse.”

Brooke giggled, Vanjie’s words so very true. 

“But I love you. Just the way you are.”

Brooke started crying again, his chest hurting equally with how much he loved, and how much he missed the man he was lucky enough to call his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow the next story, where we spend christmas at the Hayhoe household <3


End file.
